NEVER CONTRADICT A MAN WITH CLIPPERS IN HIS HAND

I made the mistake of getting into a political discussion with my black barber. I had vowed to myself to always avoid conversations about politics with my barber, especially while he was cutting my hair.

HE brought up politics, asked me a few questions that I tried to dodge, like "Who are you voting for?" Sure enough, he was crazy about Obama, as are ALL of the black barbers that I use. This guy was busy flailing and pontificating about evil white people and why he wanted Obama to be the next president -- all the while banging my head with the clippers and constantly working the back of my neck, buzz buzz buzz, comb comb comb, buzz, buzz buzz, thump thump thump...my 12-minute haircut turned into a 30 minute ordeal while this guy was loudly preaching about why Obama was the best choice for black people. In the raging anger of a Rev. Jeremiah Wright, this barber preached that all white people should be killed. I began thinking that underneath that mild-mannered barber uniform my barber might be a terrorist! I better be quiet and let him rant; the clippers could be replaced by a razor and a hair cut could turn into a neck cut.

When he finally finished, I ended up with a much shorter haircut than I wanted and the back of my neck felt like leather. I paid him, even tipped him, and finally addressed the question that I had avoided answering while my hair was being cut, or should I say, while my head was being assaulted. He asked, "You still didn't tell me who you're voting for?" I answered, "I am voting for the man who doesn't believe in killing babies in the womb." He asked, "And who is that?" (As usual, when confronted with understanding the specific positions of their candidate, Obama supporters usually have no answer.) I told him, "I guess you'll just have to look it up." Again, he queried, "Who are you voting for?" I answered, "I am voting for the man who doesn't believe in partial-birth abortion, killing unborn babies even in the ninth month of pregnancy." He answered, "Who is that?" Again, I said, "I'll guess you'll just have to do a little research, huh?"

And I ducked my skinned head into my van and said, "Later, brother."

Murdock "Doc" Gibbs
Sept. 13, 2008